I am REALLY SAD, but Grateful – October 13, 2024
Today was the day Danielle and Catalina left to fly home. I am so sad to see them go. We have spent every day together for the last 6+ months and now I am alone. Well, only for 1 day, my crew for the sail home arrives tomorrow. But still, I feel ALONE.
I dropped the two of them off at the small airport on Nuku Hiva (so small there is NO security). I walked them to the gate, then said goodbye. I watched as they walked to the waiting plane. For some reason I could not leave. I waited for everyone to board, get settled then saw them spin up the propellers. I went outside as the plane taxied down the runway and got into my car. I drove up the road to a spot that overlooked the runway The plane raced towards me then lifted up right in front of my car. I watched it soar into the sky. Then I sobbed. No I balled. I could barely breath I was crying so hard. I wasn’t sure how I could drive the winding roads back to the town where the boat was anchored. Driving ALONE. Being on the boat. ALONE.
After the hour drive I made it to the dinghy and the concrete wall it was tied up to. I called for Catalina to jump in. How I loved to watch her enthusiastically jump into the dinghy and then hang her body precariously over the front of the bow, barley staying on as the dinghy bounced on the waves. But Catalina was not there. As I motored the dinghy to the boat, I looked around and said to Danielle “Look at THIS! How beautiful is this place?!!! Can you believe that we are actually here? That this is REAL LIFE??” I must have said these words to Danielle one thousand times over the last 6 months. But Danielle wasn’t here to hear my words. As I pulled up to the stern of Patricia Ann I said “Go ahead Catalina, jump on”. But I was alone. I cried as I pulled myself on to my empty and lonely boat.
It's really hard to express my feelings right now. Yes, I am so sad that Danielle and Catalina have left, yet I am SO GRATEFUL for the incredible journey we got to experience together. It truly has been a trip of a lifetime and has exceeded all of our expectations. But still the deep emotion of sadness is there, and for a number of reasons, beyond the fact that they are gone. I am going to try to explain all that is going on in my head now…
My feelings are a jumbled combination of a sense of loss with Danielle and Catalina leaving, and experiencing the end of an EPIC adventure I have dreamed about for 50 years. All the years of planning and anticipation, of the work and effort to make it happen, then POOF, the adventure comes to an end. Over in a flash. And it feels empty. But yet I feel very full. I lived my dream. I made it happen (with a LOT of help and PRAYER!). I have thought about staying longer, but I don’t want to keep sailing here, I am ready to head home. Ready to step into a new phase of life as a grandpa. Still, how could this possibly be over? Danielle leaving makes the end seem all the more real.
Danielle truly became my inspiration to make this trip happen. We tried to pull it off on two prior occasions, the first time was stopped by COVID, and the second attempt, in 2023 was stopped by my need for back surgery (and then 3 other needed surgeries in just 4 months…) It was a huge physical set back. All the work, time, money and effort we had put into making this trip happened made it feel at times that it just was not worth it. When I was down, and not wanting to push on, Danielle would say “Come on Dad, we are DOING THIS!” Danielle and Dawn where my two cheerleaders, pushing me forward. After losing her dog, Caspian, Danielle really needed something positive to stay focused on and to look forward to, and this trip was it. I was determined to make it happen for her.
In May of 2023, Danielle was ready for a new dog. After a long search, she found her soul mate, Catalina. We got Catalina on the boat when she was just a couple of months old, and she instantly loved it. But she was very hesitant to swim in the ocean. But boy, did she ever get over that!
After spending half her life on the boat during this trip, the boat had become Catalina’s domain. She has been living her best life here. She loved walking on the decks, making the rounds each night, watching for birds or barking at passing dinghies. She loved dinghy rides, she loved exploring onshore, chasing crabs, birds, fish and small sharks. She became as comfortable in the water as she was on land, often jumping off the dinghy as we headed to shore so she could swim. As we snorkeled about over coral reefs, Catalina would swim around checking it all out. She was. FEARLESS.
During our overnight sailing to new locations, Catalina became the “Watch Dog”, staying on deck with whoever was up on “watch” and keeping them company. About every hour or so she would jump down the stairs, poke her head into Daniele’s cabin to make sure she was OK, then back up on deck she would go. Each morning she would do her rounds to each cabin, checking on everyone to make sure everyone was OK.
It breaks my heart to think about her not seeing the boat for many months. I so wish we could explain things to a dog! We just stole her away from her home that she loves. But just like she handled sailing on a boat for 18 days to cross an ocean, I know she will be fine. As long as she is with Danielle, all is well.
I am amazed what a new dimension Catalina added to our voyage. Her enthusiasm and curiosity was contagious and made us all happy watching her. She brought joy to us and to the people we met. I am sure half our photos are of Catalina, and I know she is showing up on a lot of other people’s vacation photos. She was a bit of a celebrity.
We can love a dog as much as we love a human. We can miss a dog as much as much as we miss a loved one. Not sure I have experienced this before. It hurts having her gone.
Danielle is gone. Catalina is gone. My time in French Polynesia is coming to an end. Tomorrow my crew for the trip home arrives. So I will not be alone for long, which is good!
I now have the task of getting this boat back home over 3,000 miles of ocean Upwind. Against the current. It was hard sailing here. Sailing back could be brutal. Am I intimidated? Yes. Am I nervous? Yes. But I am confident in my boat after sailing her 6,000 miles over the last 6 months And I will have a good crew. My old friend from college, Dean Prophet, who has sailed with me for years, and has done several ocean crossings. Plus Luke and Mateo, two young and enthusiastic sailors ready to learn and have an adventure. They don’t have a clue what they are signing up for!
I would appreciate your prayers as I process all these emotions And especially for a safe crossing. I want to get my crew, myself, and my boat back to Newport safe and in one piece….